《情绪管理十二讲》第3版：第十讲不要让你喜欢的东西杀死你

《情绪管理十二讲》第3版：第十讲不要让你喜欢的东西杀死你第十讲-不要让你喜欢的东西杀死你

我不太确定这种情况是否普遍。但我逐渐明白，在我生命中的大部分时间里，我总是有一种奉献精神。让我很快地说出来：它并不总是相同的，而且几乎没有任何逻辑。

这是一种有趣的说法，我在生活中的奉献已经随着时间的推移发生了很大变化。从小学开始，我被一位同学介绍给街机视频游戏，开始了我和整个视频游戏之间的爱与恨的关系，直到今天。在初中和高中期间，虽然我必须努力学习，但我的心始终被锁定在电子游戏中。你可能认为这不是人们通常把奉献定义为概念的方式，请先听听我的意见。我不介意做其他事情而不是游戏。我仍然在课堂上花费了大量的时间，进行必要的学习，并与我的同伴交往，进行社交活动。然而，我没有通过这些活动获得任何满足感或目的感。我的头脑总是围绕着以下问题转：我什么时候可以玩游戏，我怎样才能做得更好，我怎样才能把这个变成我一生要做的一件事情？

我的生活目标，以及我的存在感，在很大程度上取决于当时玩的电子游戏。如果这不是所谓的奉献，我不太清楚它的确切名称是什么，因为“痴迷”分量太轻了。举个例子，让你们明白我的意思——把游戏变成“生意”：在我上高中的那些年里，我想要玩游戏的惟一方法就是去网吧。如果你整夜玩，他们会有促销优惠。因此，我们通常会在晚上20:00到达，通宵达旦，玩电子游戏直到第二天早上7：00，因为这样付款会便宜很多。当时一些网吧没有自动管理系统。所以经理必须记下你来的时间以及你使用电脑的时间。我经常访问的网吧之一就是这样的。我会在下午晚些时候来，找一台电脑玩。过夜后，当其他人早上7点左右离开时，我会继续玩。最后，在深夜的第二天，在超过24小时没有停止的视频游戏之后，我终于要结账离开了。有趣的情形出现了，因为没有人会像我一样做这样的事情，而且我在那里的时候，员工至少换了三班，他们没有人会想到检查一下昨天的日志。他们会犹豫，不想表明他们不确定我什么时候来，最后做出最好的猜测，通常是2个小时，因为对于一个高中生来说，这似乎是一个很好的游戏时间段。

大学生活给过去已经形成的游戏模式带来了变化。在大学一年级的时候，我仍然做大量的游戏。相当多，每天最少几个小时。然而，我第一次亲身体验到了我现在所知道的倦怠。我对电子游戏感到厌烦，因为我玩得太多了。我决定休息一下。开始休息的时候很糟糕，因为之前的激情消失了，之前的奉献不见了。我经常沮丧，不是因为我不能再玩了，而是因为我不想再玩了。在经历了这次萧条之后的一段时间，我发现了另一项活动，它再次点燃了我内心的火焰：健身。我和清华园里一些最好的朋友一起发现了它，毫不犹豫地，我们给自己开了个健身会员卡，并开始锻炼身体。我会不断思考如何做得更好，如何训练，如何吃饭，如何睡觉，补充哪些食品。以前我花那么多时间在游戏杂志和论坛上，它们都被健身内容所取代了。我们每天都训练，决定在校园外一起租房子，这样我们就可以为健美运动员做适当的饭菜。我们每天都训练不停。一年后，我获得了第二个健身会员资格，用于更先进的设备和游泳池。那时，我的人生目标是训练、成长、进步、快乐。每天下午，我都会和我的队友一起在我们都有会员资格的第一个健身房里锻炼。我们会在最后一次呼吸中战胜自己。然后我们回家吃饭。我的同伴会学习，社交等。然而，我会默默地抓住我的第二张健身房会员卡，并开始我自己的额外训练，用更高端的方式改善自我，在游泳池里做我的有氧运动。我会在23点回到家，再吃一顿饭。这种情况持续了将近三年。在这段时间里，我的大脑一直在思考一个问题：我该如何转职业？最终的结果是：我的消化系统部分受损，我的肩膀因为蝶泳而折断，我的右肘在过于沉重的卧推中折断，而且，身体状况很差。

重复，过量，失去兴趣和动机。当这种奉献也不复存在时，不可避免的沮丧又来了。为了对抗它，我倾向于浪漫。作为一个像我这样鲁莽的年轻小伙子，当然这是非常错误的。然后，我试图回到游戏，不幸的是我仍然无法忍受它。由于缺乏奉献精神，每天早上不想起床的斗争非常真实和激烈。

很快，几年后，我已经来到法国了。为了对抗我的社交焦虑，我决定去跳舞。我去了一家萨尔萨俱乐部。我意识到，我应该先说好法语才能理解舞蹈讲义。我开始努力学习法语，并用英语搜索初级班。我找到了一个！生命力再次充满了我的身体。我会在梦中跳舞。早上醒来的第一件事，就是练习我最近学到的舞蹈动作。当我的法语学得足够好时，我搬到舞蹈俱乐部附近，获得了俱乐部会员资格，我还在不同的学校购买了舞蹈课程。我跳舞跳舞，每天从20点到深夜都不停。这种情况持续了两年。我从最笨拙的局外人到俱乐部里最有名的舞蹈家，成为班主任和客座教授。与此同时，和在这段时间我遇到的朋友创建了一个舞蹈协会，我们招募，训练，组织了很多节目和演出。从第二年年底起，我就开始在巴黎的舞台上表演，为老人家、儿童医院、年终庆祝活动以及巴黎市政厅的公共活动演出。到第三年底，我成了一名真正的舞蹈教授。第四年是绝对的高峰。我们与我所属俱乐部的主要成员组成了一个小组，与古巴的一所著名舞蹈学校达成了友好交流协议。我们去了那里，为期两周，学习，跳舞和玩乐，非常开心。这次旅行的标志，以我和我的舞伴在古巴圣地亚哥音乐之家来自世界各地的200多人面前表演的舞蹈为特征。我告诉你，当时我在舞台上，在聚光灯下，感觉真的棒极了。

我想你已经看到了即将到来的事情，多年的深夜舞蹈，让我的身体垮了下来。一天早上，突然之间，我不想再跳舞了。我当时是舞蹈课的教授，完成了这个学期的教学，然后挂起舞鞋，沮丧又开始了。

生活的清单在继续。

关键是，不要像我那样做。多维度地尝试丰富你在生活中的事情，把你的注意力集中到更多的边界上，并平衡您的活动，从而使您保持稳定和灵感。请不要寻找到你喜欢的东西，让它杀死你，因为它带来的恶果的可能会比你期望的更快。

小心点，伙计们。

DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you

I’m not quite sure if this is common. But I’ve come to understand that for the majority of my life, I always have sort of a devotion. Let me just speak it out really quickly: it is NOT always the same thing, and there’s hardly any logic to it. There, I said it.

It’s is kind of funny to say that my devotions in life have changed quite a bit over time. From later on in primary school, I was introduced to arcade video games by one of my classmates. This has started a love and hate relationship between me and video games as a whole till this very day. During middle school and high school, although I had to study very hard, my heart was always locked on to video games. You may think that this is not how people usually define devotion as a concept, but hear me out first. I didn’t mind doing other things than gaming. I still spent a decent amount of time in classroom, doing the necessary work and socializing with my mates. However, I didn’t get any satisfaction or sense of purpose by any of these activities. My mind would revolve around the following questions all the time: when can I game, how could I do better, how could I make this the one thing that I’ll do for my life?

My purpose of life, and my the very sense of existence, was highly dependent on playing video games at that time. If this is not called devotion, I don’t quite know what would be a proper name for it, because obsession would be too light of a word. To name one example for you to see I mean business: back in the years I was in senior high school, the only way I could play the games I want was to go to cyber cafe. They have a promotional deal if you play all night long. So we would normally arrive at 20:00 in the evening, take the all nighter pass and play video games till 7:00 next morning as it was a lot cheaper. Some cyber cafes back then did not have automatic management system. So the manager had to note down the time you came and how long you have used the computer on a notebook. One of the cyber cafes that I visited a lot was like this. I would came in the late afternoon, get a computer and play. After the all nighter, when all other people left around 7:00 in the morning, I would continue to play. Finally, at late night the 2ndday, after more than 24 hours none stop playing, I would finally ask for the bill and leave. Here comes the interesting part, since really nobody would do such things like me, and the employees have changed at least 3 shifts during the time I was there, nobody would think to check the log of yesterday. They would hesitate, not want to show that they were unsure of when I came, and finally give their best guess, which would normally be 2 hours, as that seemed to be a good amount of playing time for a high school student.

Then college life has indeed brought changes to the pattern which has worked out so well before. I still kept doing a fair amount of gaming in my freshman year. By a fair amount, I meant to say several hours each day minimum. However, this was the first time that I intensively experienced what I know now as burn-outs. I grew so sick of video games because that I played so much all the time. I decided to take break. The beginning of the break was terrible, with the previous devotion gone, I was constantly depressed, not because I couldn’t play any more but because I didn’t want to play anymore. Some time after this depression, I found another activity that rekindled my inner fire: body building. I discovered it with some of my best buddies on campus, within no hesitation we got ourselves a gym membership and started pumping iron. I would constantly think about how to do better, how to train, how to eat, how to sleep, which supplement to take. Before I used to spend so much time on game magazines and forums, but at that time they were all replaced by body building contents. We trained everyday, decided to rent a house together outside the campus so that we could cook ourselves proper meals for bodybuilders. We trained everyday none stop. A year later I got myself a 2ndgym membership for more advanced equipments and a swimming pool. At that time, the purpose of my life was to train, to grow bigger and better, and be happy. Each afternoon, I would pump iron with my mates in the first gym that we all have membership. We would beat ourselves to the last breathe. Then we came home, ate diner. My mates would then study, socialize, etc. However, I would silently grab my second gym membership card, and start my own additional training, to refine my movement with higher end gears, to do my cardio in the swimming pool. I would came back home at 23:00 and then take another meal. This lasted for almost 3 years. During this time, my brain was thinking only one question constantly: how do I turn pro? The final result: I partially ruined my digestive system, my shoulder snapped from butterfly swimming and my right elbow snapped from too heavy bench press with poor form.

Again, over dose, lost of interest, and of motivation. The inevitable depression came again when this devotion was gone too. To fight against it, I tended to romance. As a reckless young lad like me at that time, of course it went horribly wrong. I then tried to go back to gaming, unfortunately I still couldn’t stand it then. That struggle of not wanting to get out of bed each morning due to lack of devotion more was so real and intense.

Fast forward some years, I have already come toFrance. To combat my social anxiety, I decided to pick up dancing. I went to a salsa club which offered classes at that time. That was the moment I realized that I should first speak French to understand the dance professor. After the first failure, I started to learn French diligently and searched for beginner classes in English. I’ve found one! Life force was again filled my body. I would dance in my dream. The first thing when I woke up in the morning, was to practice the most recent dance moves that I learned. When my French got better enough, I moved near the dance club and got the club membership, I also bought dance classes at different schools. I danced and danced, everyday from 20h till mid-night none stop. This lasted for 2 years. I went from the most awkward outsider to the most known dancer at the club, to the lead of class and to substitute professor. Meanwhile, with people I met during this time, we created a dance association, we recruited, trained and finally we organized many shows. From the end of year 2, I start to perform on stage inParis, for senior homes, children hospital, end of year celebrations, and public events forcity hallofParis. By the end of 3rdyear, I became a professor with my dancing partner at that time. The 4thyear was the absolute peak. With the key members of the club to which I belong, we formed a group and scored a friendly exchange agreement with one of the famous dancing schools inCuba. We went there, for 2 weeks, to learn, to dance and to have fun. The trip was marked by a full dance I performed with my partner in front of more than 200 people from all over the world at casa de la musicasantiago de cuba. I tell you, it felt awesome when I was on stage, under the spotlight.

I think you saw what’s coming, years of dancing late into the night has put my body down. One morning, all of a sudden, I didn’t want to dance any more. I finished the semester at the dance class of which I was professor at the time and then I hanged my dancing shoes, while the depression started to kick-in.

The list goes on and on.

The point is, do not do like I did. Try to be rich in what you do in life, be multi-dimensional. Divide your attention to more frontiers and balance your activities so that you would be stable and inspired. Please DON’T find something that you love and let it kill you, because it would probably kill you a lot sooner than you expect.

Take care guys.

情绪管理十二讲

原书名：Paris gold Key

（巴黎金钥匙）

Léo Paris

巴黎雷欧著

Paris 2019

内容简介

这是一本从非常别致的角度解析情绪管理的著作，是从作者的系列心理学讲座中挑选出来的。巴黎雷欧（李由、任由之）的系列心理学讲座，在法国、美国青年中颇受欢迎，特试译为中文版本。

巴黎雷欧著有《简明国际商务》（多所大学用作考研辅导书）《跨国公司内部谈判效益论析》（法文版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3卷）和《雷欧带你认识法国》《雷欧带你认识巴黎》等书籍。

由于巴黎雷欧现系巴黎远东文化艺术协会负责人，巴黎远东艺术馆、巴黎雷欧珍宝馆和多种媒体及版权交易机构负责人，非常繁忙，所以此译本尚未得巴黎雷欧先生审阅，特此说明。

Paris gold Key