《情绪管理十二讲》第3版：第二讲-给你的“自律”放个假

《情绪管理十二讲》第3版：第二讲-给你的“自律”放个假第二讲-给你的“自律”放个假

我上个世纪90年代在中国长大，那是一个疯狂的时代，其文化以其对自律的痴迷而闻名。正如你所知道的，国家反腐败的万能武器，你猜对了，就是靠政治家自律。在我的早期生活中，我自己有一个非常有趣的跟自律相关的经历，我想与大家分享。

在小学和初中，当时的班级学生是非常多的。我小学班里大约有70个同学，全校一共有50个班。根据今天的标准，我所就读的学校配置的设备看起来让人伤心。

然而，有一种现象多年来一直吸引着我。每个教室都有一前一后两个木门。现在想象一下，70个或更多的精力旺盛的孩子每天都在无数次的疯狂中冲出去。很明显，这个程度的过度使用并不是这些门的设计者所提前预料到的。

更有趣的，不是门的磨损速度有多快，而是我的学校提出的减少巨额木门维修支出的策略。从校长到全体教师，每年都开展大规模的纪律运动。在每周一次的学校典礼，甚至每一次班会上，老师都会反复告诉我们：上课下课出入教室的时候不要跑。最重要的是，不要用你的脚来打开和关上门。

现在，我想你已经猜到了最有趣的部分：纪律要求从来没有起作用，即使违反纪律要被惩罚。在我年轻的头脑中，我不知不觉地附和了我们的老师和所有长辈们的共同观点：我们是一个灾难性的年轻一代，纪律涣散，如此下去，人类的未来一片黯淡。

很多年过去之后，我来到了法国。我本以为曾经这一段跟自律有关的经历就会这样淡去。然而，就像绝大多数的新手旅行者，我被当地餐馆里完全看不懂的菜单震慑住了。因此做了一个非常大众的决定：去麦当劳吃午饭。享用了通过自助点餐台买的汉堡之后，我去了洗手间。令我大吃一惊的是，我亲眼目睹了一件让我有巨大改观的事情：浴室有一个沉重的，低调的木门，我自然而然就想起了曾经学校破旧的门。但是在这个门的底部有一块闪闪发亮的不锈钢板。人们走来走去，随意地用脚打开门，也许是因为他们的手在使用干风机之后也仍然有点湿。门一直在开和关，比我以前的班级门开关更加频繁。但每一次，当有人用他或她的脚开门时，不锈钢板就会被擦拭一遍，更加闪闪发亮。那一刻，我心中古老的亚洲智慧觉醒了。我知道我见证的就是我的祖先所赞美的和谐。

我的顿悟其实很简单。也许我们应该停止总把自己在生活中的种种不如意归咎于自律的不足。也许通过适当的分析和解构，再加以创造性思维，你会惊讶地发现自己可以达到一个全新的境界：不靠自律，亦能平稳和谐。

Give your poor self-discipline a break

I grew up back inChinain the 90s. It was a mad time in that culture which is generally known for its obsession for self-discipline. As you might know, the almighty weapon that the state has against corruption was, you guessed it, the self-discipline of statesmen. I myself, had a very interesting experience with the concept of self-discipline in my early days that I want to share with you now.

In primary schools and junior middle schools, students were very numerous back then. I had around 70 classmates in primary school and there were around 50 classes altogether. The equipment of the school that I attended could easily make you sad according to today’s standard.

However, there was one phenomenon that intrigued me the most over the years. Every classroom had 2 wooden doors, front and back. Now imagine the situation, 70 or more energetic children rushed in and out during each break countless times every day. You can see how fast the doors would wear from this excessive usage that it has never been designed to handle.

But what’s more interesting is not how fast the doors got worn, but the strategy that my school had come up with to reduce this financial strain. From the principal to all the teachers, huge waves of discipline campaign were launched each year. During weekly school ceremony and even each class meeting, teachers would repeatedly tell us: do not run when going inside or outside the classroom. Most importantly, do not open and close the door with your foot.

Now, I think you’ve already guessed the amusing part: It never worked, even when there was punishment for violating these rules. In my young head, I unconsciously seconded with the popular opinion shared by our teachers and all elders: we were a catastrophic younger generation that was so poorly disciplined, and there was no hope for humanity.

I thought I would never made anything else out of this episode until many years later, when I came toFrance. As any rookie traveler, I was perfectly intimidated by the menu in the local restaurants that I couldn’t understand a single word. So I did something that we’ve all done: going to McDonald’s for lunch. After enjoying my meal ordered from the self-service machine free of human interaction, I went to the bathroom. There, to my great amazement, I witnessed something that changed everything. The bathroom has a heavy, low-key wooden door. It reminds me of the old days that I’m not particularly proud of. But there’s a shiny and sturdy stainless-steel plate fixed at the bottom of the door. People come and go, casually open the door with their foot, mostly because their hands were a bit moisture even after using hand dryer. The door opens and closes all the time, no less frequent than the ones of my old classroom. Except that each time, when someone opens it with his or her foot, the stainless-steel plate gets a bit shinier. At that moment, the ancient Asian wisdom in my heart has woken up. I knew what I saw was what my ancestors called harmony.

So my take away on this is fairly simple. Maybe it would be helpful to stop automatically blaming your self-discipline for what you haven’t achieved in life. For with proper analysis, and some out of the box thinking, you may find yourself in a brand-new situation with an open bar of harmony from universe.

情绪管理十二讲

原书名：Paris gold Key

（巴黎金钥匙）

Léo Paris

巴黎雷欧著

Paris 2019

内容简介

这是一本从非常别致的角度解析情绪管理的著作，是从作者的系列心理学讲座中挑选出来的。巴黎雷欧（李由、任由之）的系列心理学讲座，在法国、美国青年中颇受欢迎，特试译为中文版本。

巴黎雷欧著有《简明国际商务》（多所大学用作考研辅导书）《跨国公司内部谈判效益论析》（法文版）《法国现代书画艺术评论》（英文版3卷）和《雷欧带你认识法国》《雷欧带你认识巴黎》等书籍。

由于巴黎雷欧现系巴黎远东文化艺术协会负责人，巴黎远东艺术馆、巴黎雷欧珍宝馆和多种媒体及版权交易机构负责人，非常繁忙，所以此译本尚未得巴黎雷欧先生审阅，特此说明。

Paris gold Key

巴黎金钥匙